Failure has been a major focus of mine all week. Not because of some personal tragedy, but because of this blog. I’ve been abysmal at updating all week, and there have been moments where I could have written at least one of the shorter posts that I was behind on. As I write this, I’m still not caught up, and it looks like I may not even get finished catching up today.
Being cut off from blogging has hurt me in ways I didn’t expect it to. I missed the ding of likes and comments, even when they ran my phone battery low. I panicked every time a disappointed person searched for A to Z posts, found none, and commented to tell me so. I missed ranting about books and reading other people’s rants and recommendations. I’m terrified I missed posts from some of my favorite bloggers. My fingers have itched to write. I’m unsettled, lacking in confidence. You can’t be a writer, my mind says. The doubts that always plague a writer, especially one who has as little time and is as much of a perfectionist as I am, which I wrote about last week came back, armed with new, vicious arguments. Last night and tonight, as I posted everything I’m behind on, I was reminded of all the advantages to membership in this community, where that little voice is silenced and the words flow more easily.
Hopefully, I won’t fall so far behind again (though I have some activities for the summer lined up that look troubling in this regard). Even if I do, the best lessons can be learned from failure. I’ve discovered all over again how much I want to read, write, and blog. I can now recommit, safe in the knowledge that this is what I really want. I’ve found new inspiration in discovering new bloggers, and I know now how detrimental getting behind was to my posting. Every post was a struggle, because every day I want to write differently, and that originality is lost when I write multiple different kinds of pieces on the same day.
I’ve decided to look at these failures, and the painful lessons they taught, positively. I will keep struggling. I apologize for faltering, both to myself and to all of you. I’ll emerge a better writer and better member of this community.
How have you handled failures in the past? Any words of advice? Tell me about your own journeys below!